After the Funeral VIII

Everybody showed up at the wake
fucking everybody
the whole gang was there
and nobody’d changed

We stood around in our shirtsleeves
and good ties
we walked out as a procession
into the rain to smoke cigarettes
or take swigs of Jameson in the car

We talked shit, told old stories
reminisced,
telling old hoodlum tales
for the first time

Afterwards the bar was full of them
from one end to the other
My Captain told me
he expected me to walk up and say,
Here we are, born to be kings
referencing a joke I made nervously earlier
that I’d already forgotten about
and without a frame of reference
it felt like a perfect sentence
right and true and sad and perfect

Few could make it to the funeral,
a daytime mass on a weekday
they had to work or they didn’t
and maybe some couldn’t face the old man
or his weeping son
so they stayed home in the name of decency

I stood with Danny,
one of Junior’s old friends from H.S.
I barely knew the kid
made a beer-run in his rice burner once
we drove fast, the music was awful,
he had his brain in his dick
but his heart was in the right place
seemed like a good kid
to have run the halls or shared a stolen beer with

On my right was an old friend of Sr.’s & his wife
they were pretty teary throughout the ceremony
laughed at all the inside jokes
and looked over at Danny & I
with genuine concern and real sadness

Danny & I shared a hymnal,
though neither of us were really singing
we awkwardly raised and lowered the knee rest
trying to keep up time & appearances

At one point
the Priest told us all to greet each other

I shook hands with Danny
there was nothing I could think to say

I turned and the wife was like a small fire
when she came close to shake hands
her face was wet, her hands moist
she was so warm I forgot about myself
and just basked in her sad glow

I shook hands with the old man’s friend
he didn’t seem the least bit ashamed
to be crying
and for a minute
I wished I were born someone else
in a city hospital in the dead of winter

I turned and met a tall and pretty cousin
who I hadn’t known was there
she was so tall
that when she reached in to hug me
I could lay my head on her shoulder
I told her
Junior would be happy she came